SilverDream

Christmas has brought me something to entertain me, and help me with the keeping fit thing. DDR. I'm getting better at it, it's actually getting fucking intense. Excuse my language. I am so sweaty right now and I'm so stoked. Yeah this is sweet. Also, on a side note, I love Selena.

holidayyys

This is really turning into a place where I can better myself by talking about the things that bother me.. about me. My body is the main factor, but christmas is a shitty time to try to lose weight. My goal right now mainly I think is to not GAIN. I think my New Years resolution will be to loose weight, and I know that it will be much easier to actually lose after new years. I'm already practicing asanas so I can join yoga.. AND I plan on going back to my original tanning place, I loved it there so much. Yikes. I also wish my hair would grow faster! JEES.

honestly.

Last night I discovered another really good reason to get into shape and get fit. I enjoying being on top but get way too tired way too fast! Hahaha. Yep, good reasons. 

galang!

I've been really fascinated with the idea of hot/bikram yoga  in the last while. This is to the extent where I have been looking up the 26 asanas and have decided to practice them so that if I decide to join I wont look really goofy and like a no0b. It's supposed to be know as 'Bikram's torture chamber' because it's intense yoga poses in room heated to 105 degrees. The heat helps you release toxins and makes it easier for you to stretch. Being that you are in this hot room for 90 minutes doing a very  physical work out, you POUR sweat off of you. Anyways, I'm just looking forward to joining eventually. I went through the 26 asanas this morning and I know I need to practice them a bit first. 

On another note, I've done some form or work out or excercise.. even if it is minimal everyday for a while now. Yoga yesterday, yoga today and also a bit of a fitness routine. I'm feeling good, nothing noticeable yet, but decent enough. Also, I went grocery shopping a couple days ago and picked up veggies, evoo and soba.. so I've been eating really decently as well. Yes! Christmas ain't got nothing on me!

how passionate.

Seems to me that I have caught a bit of a virus. Also, sore from working out. Took two hours out of my 12 hours of working today so I have time to go home before the staff meeting. I plan to do at least a partial workout. I started to do one last night as well but then had to go out. Generally, the eating is going fine.  Jen and I are watching Rachel Ray right now. I have to admit, she makes some weird thing.. but they are generally pretty healthy(minus all the EVOO!) 

Yeah, stuff. I'm stoked on this. This and passion!

Also, I'm looking into starting Hot Yoga. Basically... yoga.. in a 90-100 degree room of infrared heat. Excellent.

.5,woo.

So another day. Today I haven't given into the temptations of the DOUBLE chocolate cookies that fill Jen's cookie jar. To top that, I also bought two weights to accompany my workout efforts. Thing's will happen, in fact things are already happening. Slowly but surely. First 5 pounds are always the hardest apparently. 

I'll do a work out no matter what tonight. If I go out anywhere, I'll workout and shower first. I want a little tummy and small arms. I want healthy foods!

gingerbread man ain't got nothin'

Things are going okay. I have been pretty decent with my food. Cookies are far too tempting though. Anyways, I'm still really trying for this. Not much alcohol, not much fatty foods, some yoga and health foods. Decent way to go. Just.. lengthy. I'm going to be working a lot this week so hopefully I can still find time to work out a bit and make healthy meals. This past weekend made me want it even more, I'm so ready for this. Just take control, now.

**Edit**

I just did a nice workout and I feel awesome. That's about it. Now.. Play by David Banner is playing. Hahaha. I am so thrilled.

LEOPARD, RAWR

I weighed my self. 2 pounds down I think, around there. now, 4 more to go until my first goal. should be fine. I'm doing decently with the healthy food and staying away from most fatty foods. Had a fruit bar for breakfast, will behaving potstickers for dinner! SO good. Chicken/veggies/soy soy sauce in a dumpling! Excellent.

Today I knew that I would be paying much attention to how I look so I treated myself to a black shirt and sweeeeeeeeeeeeet leopard bandana thing. Hopefully that, my high heels and my hair will make the night decent. I feel good today. Days where I feel good make it so much easier to push myself. Yes.

generation.

This is definitely one area where I really don't want input unless I ask for it. I haven't received any, I'm just saying. Maybe because I feel obsessive about it, maybe because I feel unhappy about it and maybe because I'm struggling with finding the knowledge to make this possible for myself and keep my life simple. Here I am.. sitting here.. watching some show on MTV about people with eating problems and weight gain issues and not being able to get it off or keep it off. Don't worry, I know this isn't me.. I just see their good end results and wonder why I can't reach my own end results and why I lack the motivation even though I want it SO badly. More than ANYTHING. I just don't get it. Yoga tonight. I need this. Why is it so hard.

fat house cat

It is December 4th and really nothing changes... I'm so frustrated and I know it's just my lack of effort. Yesterday I got my hair done, today starts the CRAZY efforts and everything that goes with it. I've been laying off the alcohol already. Last weekend I went dancing and drank then, which I think from this point on until Christmas would be the only justifiable time to drink. Drink, then dance the calories off. Also, I'm really stoked on fruit right now. Raspberries, mandarin oranges.. and such. I think I'm going to try and keep processed foods away from my body for the time being. Christmas is horrible for me when it comes to eating sweets and weight gain. SO THIS IS IT, I would prefer coming out of December looking and feeling better than when I went in. Maybe I'll see that doctor my mom want's me to see as well. That might help a lot.. 

Also. I WILL work out today when I get home. I WILL. There are no excuses. None. Come on.

aloha

I should and want to do yoga today, we'll see if I get motivated. What a bad attitude!  Seriously though, we'll see. Maybe some good stretching will help my stomach a bit.

sad

Well, nothing has been progressing, yet again. I've come to a really good realization though, it's not really my fault for the time being. Ahh, that's not exactly how I meant to phrase it. Here's the explanation. A lot of people use this to explain their depression without having to.. explain.. their depression. Anyways, that's not me. I'm almost certain I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. Happens every year. My mother is worried because she sees it every year and wants me to deal with it. Vitamin D pills and tanning. I'm just starting to get things sorted out in that area but I'm looking forward to getting it under control. Side effects happen to be craving comfort foods.. at all times.. which is horrible. Well, I just want more than ever to be in shape and happy and on track with life. This is at least a step in the right direction. I can honestly say that at this point.. I'm truthfully unhappy with my body.

sucking

Again, I've been incredibly terrible. Help! Not really, but I think today is a good day to get things going again. Healthy food, some exercise, good plan. Just honestly, not happy with my size. At all, not in the least. My shape is GREAT, the size of it, not so much. Like I said last time, I'm only looking for 5 or 6 pounds to start off with. Get a start at things. Once I do that I think I'll be more motivated to shed the rest. It's not like I don't have the resources. Food is a harder thing to deal with, especially with going out for dinner often with friends or BF. Hmm. There are some really fun fitness classes in Walnut Grove I'm looking into joining still, but we'll see what happens. 

I have to go do some fitness with Jen, I'll make it fun for her and join in doing some stuff as well. 

Super Duper Computer

Apparently I'm not doing so well. I suck at this business. I keep saying to myself.. TRY HARDER, but it hasn't exactly gotten through my thick skull yet. 5 or 6 pounds is all I'm asking right now, I just want that as a start. WOULD BE NICE, YA DIG. Anyways, I guess I'll say I'm going to try hard. We'll see how that goes. Ugh. 

blah.

It's 7:09am and I really could have done with not getting out of bed this morning, oh well. In about 20 minutes I am going to get onto Jen's treadmill for a while and then shower. Today just feels really off and gross and I hope maybe it will cheer me up a little to do a good work out or at least a moderate one. My legs and stomach are still sore from yesterday which is a good sign that this will progress soon. I just need to stay away from the oh so tempting peanut butter cookies that seem to be all around me lately. At work, at home, I can't escape them.

88988!

The calorie counting thing, being exact, is hard.. so I'm going to just say the things I've been eating. Bad = peanut butter cookies,  Good = rice. Yesterday was alright, but I can do better. Also, I worked out the other night before bed and my legs are still sore! Anyways, I'm going to go do some more working out though. I would like this to be effective. So I need to get on this! This is for me and for how I feel about myself. Writing in here is keeping me at least partially on track, I want this.

**Edit**

So, I finished level one of the Jillian Michaels DVD and I feel REALLY good. I think I'll probably check out level two and then go back and do level one depend on how difficult it is. Also, I work with Jen tomorrow and we are allowed to use her treadmill and shower so I will be doing that every morning I'm there from now on. This is so important. I've decided to extend my time before really judging how I'm progressing. November 28th is a sweet concert that I will be attending so I'd really really like to look super nice for it. Anyways, so stoked on this.

Another.

Today has been good in the ways of good. I've kept it to a healthy minimum. Looked up on the internet the calories in eggs. 100+ with yolk, 16ish without. So, in finding this out, I scrambled up to egg whites added a bit of feta and some tomato and probably had a breakfast with like 150 calories at most. Only problem being, eggs without an additive such as milk.. or smoother cheeses like cheddar, the eggs shrink in portion size. Oh well though. Yum! 

I'm making rice and veggies for dinner, maybe some chicken. I'm pretty thrilled. Haven't worked out yet today, don't know if I will, but I would for sure like to. My work out dvd finished downloading, looks easy to start off with!

So.

The last few days didn't go very well. Weekends seem to be hard to get through with this attitude, I just want to do whatever. I did, but I didn't overdo anything which is good. Calorie count is unknown, but.. not too too horrible. 

I downloaded a workout video that is pretty basic and rated nicely. It's by Jillian Michaels, so I am choosing to believe it will at least have some effect should I follow through everyday. Also, November I am starting to hopefully go to some fun fitness classes. 

This will be good, very very good.

Start

I had a long talk with a lady last night who did what I would like to do. That is why this blog is entitled 'Thirty!' I've decided that I am going to start keeping count of my daily calorie intake, work out as much as possible and just try for a healthier and thinner body. If you three ladies end up reading this.. I promise I'm doing it the healthy way. It's just something I really REALLY really want for myself right now. 

Last night I got some really good ideas and pointers. The girl I talked to said to just make sure you stay motivated and that is really the only thing it takes. It's hard to be really strict with your diet, with exercising daily and not bingeing at all.. but it's the motivation that gets you through it. She actually told me to start watching 'The Biggest Loser' and to keep tabs on the trainer Jillian Michaels, so I have been. She has a lot of very strict and useful information. Now to make it happen.

Day 1 hasn't started off very well, but oh well. I'm not too worried about it.  

Breakfast was Fruit Loops and Soy Milk.. which probably equals out to 450 calories. I've decided I can't do that anymore, well.. fruit loops part. Anyways. It's  time to shower before work. I'll edit later.